My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Shame - the story of my life.
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