i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
