My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
