There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
