she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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