True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
