I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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