Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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