The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
