she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
where are my eyebrows?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
