4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize