Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
