You really coming over, don't trick.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
