my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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