Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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