part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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