Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
