did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have fence marks all over my body
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
