She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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