my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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