Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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