My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
