Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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