i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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