i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
