Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
