Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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