im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I cannot find my penis.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
