do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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