I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
