i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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