My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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