Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
