there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
