But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
