and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
