eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
