careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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