I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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