do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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