Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
