Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
