I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
