I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
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