I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
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