Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
