I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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