I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
