Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
