maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
