'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
