Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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