i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I want her autograph on my taint
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
