I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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