I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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