The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
