Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
