they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
be right there i have to get my cape
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
