we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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