nutella sex= disaster
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
