Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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