Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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