When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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