Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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