he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Randomize
