my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
