How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
