Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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